This Is The Rapture!

What is The Rapture?

Imagine you are inside a burning building with no way of escape. Smoke and flames are encroaching. A firefighter breaks through a door, hands you an oxygen mask and carries you out to safety. This is a rapture.

Imagine you are Noah or one of his sons or daughters in law standing inside the completed ark. God closes and seals the door. The rains begin to fall in torrents and the flood waters rise. Every person on earth drowns except you and your family, who are safe inside the ark. This is a rapture.

Imagine you are an Israelite fleeing Egypt and find yourself trapped between the Red Sea on one side and Pharaoh's vengeful army on the other. Between the proverbial rock and a hard place. The hand of Almighty God parts and holds back the waters and forms a dry path to cross to the other side. The pursuing army follows behind, but the waters collapse and drown them. You emerge safe on the other side. This is a rapture!

Now imagine darkness falls over the planet as events march relentlessly toward a satanic one-world government and one-world religion led by the antichrist, a.k.a. the beast, and the false prophet, both of whom are controlled by Lucifer himself. The devil knows his time is short and will hold nothing back as he pours out deception, hatred, suffering and death on humanity. Economic collapse, food shortages and plagues accelerate. Hordes of Islamic jihadists are on a rampage of murder and rape. As World War III begins and all hell breaks loose, Jesus Christ appears in the sky with his angelic host. Everyone who belongs to Jesus is caught up in the air with him, given a new immortal body and spirited away to a wedding feast the likes of which you cannot imagine. Because it is so good! This is THE RAPTURE!

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you watch this one-hour video by Jonathan Kleck about the rapture and end times. It will blow your mind and quicken your soul. You will see truths in Scripture that have been sealed up since the time of Daniel until now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Nv5Jf_eoFQ

The Rapture is a deliverance, a rescue before the fire. We now live in the time period where this event is imminent. I don't know if it is today or three, six or 12 months from now, but it is imminent. Jesus is coming quickly! If you are not already born again in the Spirit, you need to repent and believe. "And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Acts 2:21)

Because you don't want to be on earth after the Rapture. The wrath of God will be poured out. It will be the culmination of Satan's mayhem on earth. It will be three and half years of cataclysm unlike anything that has ever happened in history or ever will. Jesus said if those days were not cut short, no one would be left alive. 

There's only one way out, and that's to believe in Jesus right now.

By the way, the Rapture does not deliver you out of all tribulation, but the worst of it. We have entered the time period when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are mounting and beginning to ride, as detailed in Revelation 6 (more on this later). People living in the Middle East, Ukraine or Nigeria are already experiencing conquest (white horse), war and violence (red horse), privation & famine (black horse), and death (pale horse). Christians by the tens of thousands are being slaughtered and enslaved. Please pray for them and donate to good charities that help them if you can, like Operation Do Something and Rescue Christians. But I want to be clear: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are coming to America soon. You need to be ready to deal with war, death, plagues, food shortages and privation, while at the same time holding out the hope that Jesus is coming imminently. 

For Part Two of this series, see This Is The Rapture - Bible Verses.

Wake Up, You Live in The Matrix #3 - President Obama

At the National Prayer Breakfast today, President Barack Obama proclaimed, "People committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ.” See this article from Breitbart:

http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/02/05/obama-at-national-prayer-breakfast-people-committed-terrible-deeds-in-the-name-of-christ/

I would like pass on a few things that I believe pertain to this man.

"Then the king will do as he pleases, and he will exalt and magnify himself above every god and will speak monstrous things against the God of gods; and he will prosper until the indignation is finished, for that which is decreed will be done." - Daniel 11:36

Jonathan Kleck, who claims to be a harbinger of the Lord, gave this prophetic utterance in 2008 before Obama was elected the first time:

"Behold the man of peace shall come forth from the sea
Barack Hussein Obama and with words of peace he will bring chaos and destruction.
Behold the fig tree.
It puts forth its leaves and suddenly the time is before you."


A few video shorts from Kleck about Obama:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVnKzxa_0JY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEkeoHBxLGM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXzogetnusU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOh5L3yqgCo

Finally I will leave you with Psalm 91 verses 1-10:

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!”
For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;
Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
You will only look on with your eyes
And see the recompense of the wicked.
For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent."

See the next post in this series, Corporate and Grassroots Media Are Manipulated.

Wake Up, You Live in The Matrix #2 - The Economic End Game

According to a recent Gallup poll, nearly half of Americans believe 2015 will be more prosperous than 2014. Only 10% believe it will be worse:

http://theeconomiccollapseblog.com/archives/american-people-utterly-clueless-going-happen-enter-2015

This means only 10% of Americans have any idea of what is happening in this country and the world. Why? The #1 culprit is the hypnotic, flickering, brainwashing box in the living room of nearly every American. Watch the Conan O'Brien segment at the end of the article above and you will see how centrally created propaganda is fed to every local community in the nation. Six mega corporations control 98% of media outlets in the US:

http://www.theburningplatform.com/2014/12/30/edward-bernays-theory-has-been-perfected/

We live in a propagandist's dream world. When catastrophe strikes, most Americans will not believe it is happening until it is too late to save even themselves.

If you want to know where things really stand economically, I recommend listening to this interview entitled "The Economic Endgame has Arrived" by one of my favorite economists, Dr. Jim Willie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWSXvzGSdWo

Here is another, more recent Jim Willie interview, "The Quickening":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbP2NZAFeGQ

We are in the end game, but it's not just economic. We're on the doorstep of the End of the Age. More on this to come.

"Now learn the parable from the fig tree: when its branch has already become tender and puts forth its leaves, you know that summer is near; so, you too, when you see all these things, recognize that He is near, right at the door. Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away." - Matthew 24:32-34

"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty." - Proverbs 22:3 

See the next post in this series, President Obama.

Wake Up, You Live in The Matrix #1 - Evolution?

Wake up, you live in The Matrix.

I'm going to put this bluntly because the hour is late. If you get your perception of reality from universities, mainstream media (e.g. ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox News, Wall Street Journal, New York Times), mainstream churches and "conventional wisdom," then you have little idea about what is really happening in this world. You have been misinformed about critical past and current events. Moreover, you will be completely caught off guard by what is about to happen. You will be deceived, manipulated, robbed and knocked off your feet to the jeopardy of even life and soul.

Let me give a small example. Do you believe in evolution? The evolutionary theory is taught as as settled fact in schools, universities and mainstream media. But the reality is evolution is a joke, an absurdity from a scientific standpoint. It has been disproved a dozen different ways, and I'm not talking about religious objections. I mean hard science and mathematics. In fact, I believe Charles Darwin himself, if he were still alive today, would reject evolution out of hand. If you don't believe me, watch the video called The Theory of Everything by Trey Smith. 

Yet evolution is portrayed by smart, educated people as fact. Why? Because we have had the wool pulled over our eyes, and the people doing it do not have good intentions. 

So the question is: Will you wake up? It takes courage and an open mind. The scene from the movie The Matrix about choosing the red pill or blue pill puts it very well.

Meanwhile, if you want a peak at where this blog series is going, watch this video by Dr. Stanley Monteith.


See the next post in this series, The Economic End Game.

My Story, Part Two: From Lost to Found Again!

[For the first half of this story, see Lost to Found to Lost Again]

Pang of Mortality

It was a summer day in the Swiss Alps. After riding up the mountain in a gondola, my wife and I took in the spectacular views of the peaks and valleys and blue lake below. In the sky above a paraglider had caught a thermal updraft and wound his way above the mountains. He seemed to be floating as high as the airplanes. The thought of hanging so high by a few cords beneath a piece of fabric made me shiver.

We hiked around the top of the mountain. At one point the path straddled a ledge that dropped off steeply on both sides. I looked down and felt such a sense of vertigo that I had to crouch down and touch the ground. In fact, it was more than vertigo. It was a palpable fear of death. What if I slipped down the slope and died? What would happen to me? That question begged a larger one. Where did I stand with the Lord?

I had put faith in God to the side for a few years, though not completely. I still prayed and went to church sometimes and claimed to be a Christian. But Jesus was not front and center. I pursued my own interests and tried to enjoy life. The unexpected pang of mortality on the mountainside was his way of calling me back.  I thought about it for a long while on the train ride back to town in the evening. I wanted to reconnect with God again. But how?

By My Spirit, Says the Lord

I began to seek God again. Authors like Brennan Manning and John Eldredge and the musician Rich Mullins spoke to me. Manning’s prose about the infinite love and grace of God was like balm for my soul. It began to thaw my heart to his love again. Eldredge’s “wild at heart” freedom and manly passion in the Lord and his sense of immediate connection and communion with God’s Spirit were qualities I wanted. Rich Mullins’ soulful praise and the melancholic yearning in his music also resonated with me.

In the Scriptures I saw how we are supposed to live by the Spirit – not by law, intellect or personal strength, but by God’s Spirit alone. It is his Spirit who leads us into all truth. Furthermore, the Scriptures say God desires mercy, not sacrifice. In other words, he wants his people to love from the heart, not thoughtlessly or heartlessly follow religious rules. Jesus also said his sheep hear his voice, and they follow him. We can hear God’s voice, personally and directly, in our hearts! I saw these truths in Scripture and wanted to embrace them, but it was slow going to put them into practice. It took years and years to unlearn bad religious ideas from earlier in my faith, and then put on the new way of the Spirit.

Goodbye, Plan A

Meanwhile, I graduated from business school and eventually landed a job at EMC, a highly regarded technology company. I thought I had it made. The company’s stock was one of the two hottest of the 1990s. This was a place where I could build a career and be successful! Two years after I joined, the dotcom bubble imploded, causing the technology downturn of 2001. I worked in a group in the marketing department. When the company announced layoffs, my manager took me aside and said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” A couple weeks later, he passed me in the hallway looking concerned and said, “They let me go.” All bets were off for me, then. HR called me to a meeting and offered a modest severance package. A few hours later I walked out the door carrying a cardboard box with my office effects. My career at the vaunted technology company was over. I called my wife on the way home and said, “The good news is I don’t have to go to work tomorrow…”

We were in the middle of purchasing a house. However, I was the sole income earner, so my job loss meant we no longer qualified for a mortgage. The house purchase fell through. Eventually we moved to an apartment in a less savory part of town to save money while I looked for another job.

Meanwhile, our marriage became very strained. For years my wife had a problem with rage that had worsened with time. When we argued, she could carry on for literally hours, screaming, getting in my face, speaking abusively.  She was so loud that neighbors could hear. On more than one occasion she screamed at and hit me while I was driving, once while traveling 75 mph on the highway. It was lucky I didn’t get in a wreck. When I lost my job and money was running out, she became furious and indignantly opposed to getting a job, despite having a college degree and work experience. She moped around the apartment sobbing while I tried to work from home on entrepreneurial projects.  She told me that if I didn’t do what she wanted, she might kill herself and it would be my fault. I believe she had borderline personality disorder, but only showed this side to people close to her, i.e. mother, father, sister, me. At church she seemed the involved, caring Christian. With therapists she was shrewd and evasive. But at home the dark side came out, like Jekyll and Hyde.

These outbursts had occurred for years, but losing my job was sort of a tipping point into the abyss. She was destroying me emotionally, and unrepentant about it. If we ever had kids, I knew she would crush them too. I knew that staying in this marriage would mean an unhappy life and probably a premature death from the cumulative psychological toll on my body.

As an evangelical Christian I thought divorce is a sin, except in the case of infidelity. This is why I stayed in the marriage for nearly 10 years. But I reached a point where I had to separate, and felt at peace with the decision. I left to stay at a friend’s house. During the following couple of months I sought the Lord on the matter and felt my heart moving toward divorce. I was 95% sure until I had a conversation with a Christian pastor whose father also had borderline personality disorder. He explained, with great pain in his eyes, how his father had become so abusive that he had to cut off the relationship. I knew the Lord meant for me to hear this, and I knew that I needed to divorce my wife.

Two Supernatural Nights

On the night after I told my wife about my intent to divorce, I fell asleep and was seized by what some describe as a “night terror.” These are incidents of demons harassing people in their sleep, often accompanied by horrifying dreams, a sense of paralysis or pressure on the chest, and waking up the presence of evil in the room. I had experienced this before and knew that calling out to Jesus would force it to leave (see Luke 10:19). But this terror had a message for me: “How dare you!” How dare I divorce my wife! That was astonishing. The devil was chastising me for daring to close the door he was using to attack me.

The next night I had a dream from the Lord. I don’t remember my dreams normally, except occasionally for a few moments after awaking. But prophetic dreams are emblazoned in my memory for life. In the dream I saw a beautiful woman. I awoke and intuitively knew what the Lord was telling me: “I have someone else for you.” This brought me great comfort and encouragement because I never wanted to go through life alone.

Job’s Friends

One Sunday I went to a Starbucks coffee shop and read the book of Job. I noted all of the bad religious advice that Job’s friends gave him during his time of distress and loss. “You must have done something wrong to deserve this,” they told Job. “Just admit it.” I also saw how God’s anger was kindled against them and they were required to offer a sacrifice and ask Job to pray for them. In my spirit I sensed the Lord tell me this would happen to me. People would come to give bad religious advice.

Sure enough, they came that week. Christians from my past – a pastor, a ministry leader, a friend’s father – called to pressure me not to divorce. They said it was a sin, disobedience to God. I disagreed.

As an aside, I do not claim divorce is good, and can be a sin, but it can also be deliverance. While marriage is meant for a lifetime, people can abuse and dishonor it. Sleeping around is not the only form of abuse – there are many forms. Sometimes people use marriage as a way to lock someone in to cage of abuse, with the social pressure and enforcement of the church. This is wrong. God in his mercy sets people free. I know he did for me. “A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice.” (Isaiah 42:3) For more commentary on divorce, see the Addendum below. Also see We Live by the Spirit, Not by Law and Mercy, Not Sacrifice and Faith Hall of Fame.

My ex-wife, who was generally an honest person while we were married, began to spread lies about me, saying I was the abuser and she was the victim. She poisoned the well of virtually every friendship. Not that everyone believed her, but it created doubt and discomfort. She actually gave speeches to Christian groups about her experience as an “abused wife,” which is ironic since I was the one who divorced her. But I suspect that fact is why some church people assumed I was the bad guy in the relationship. If I so flagrantly committed the “sin” of divorce, I must be guilty of other transgressions too, right?

In the end I lost almost every Christian friendship accumulated over 15 years. It wasn’t all because of my ex-wife’s defamation. The perceived spectacular failure of my marriage and faith was a visible reminder that perhaps the evangelical religious system isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. People didn’t want to look at that, so they didn’t want to look at me.

So I lost my job, house, marriage, reputation and Christian community. Do you know what else I lost? My pride. I had a lot of it from my younger days. I was successful in many endeavors and it went to my head. Pride is a sin that blocks the Lord’s work in our lives. Having so much stripped away humbled me.

The Lord Delivers

But I never lost my faith. The Lord was there for me 100% all the way. As things became worse, his work and presence became even more visible. I was finally able to put into practice the truths of Scripture I learned earlier, but was too afraid to make the leap of faith out of the religious system I was indoctrinated into. God pushed me so far out on a limb that I didn’t have a choice!

The Lord also delivered quickly on his promise of someone else for me. I reconnected with a Christian woman I knew from college days who happened to go through a divorce at the same time as me and for a similar reason – emotional abuse. Amazingly, neither of us had children. Today we are happily married and have two beautiful daughters.

Maybe I need to write a Part Three about all the good things God has done in the years since. But my point is this: The Lord never forsook me. He was there all along, called me back and built me up higher than ever. I am eternally grateful for it!

Addendum

Many Christians look at divorce in a strict, black-and-white manner because of what Jesus said in Matthew 5:

“It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 5:31-32

Here Jesus forbids divorce except in the case of adultery, although the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 makes another exception for unbelievers leaving their believing spouses. 

But I want to point out something important in Jesus’ sermon. Immediately prior to the statement on divorce, Jesus said:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” – Matthew 5:27-30

I don’t know of anyone – though I can only speak for men – whose eye or hand hasn’t caused them to stumble with regard to the sin of lust. I also don’t know of any church that interprets this passage literally, because if people were honest that would mean a church full of eye-less, hand-less attendees. So everyone interprets this statement metaphorically.

Do you see a problem here? Those who say divorce is forbidden except in the case of adultery – no other exceptions – are interpreting one statement by Jesus 100% literally, but then interpreting the statement immediately before it in the same sermon 100% metaphorically.

That's not a consistent approach to interpreting Scripture. It would be wise to step back and ask the Lord what the message here really is.

In reading the whole sermon, Jesus made a series of statements like this: The Law says this, but I say … And then Jesus raised the standard to an incredibly, even impossibly, high level. What is Jesus saying here? That there is a new law that no one can keep?

Let's look at what the Bible says about the purpose of the Law:

“But the Scripture has shut up everyone under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe… Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith.” – Galatians 3:22,24

The purpose of the Law is to lead us to Christ – to show us we are sinners, so that we might understand our need for forgiveness and find it in Christ. The Law is a standard that shows us how we ought to be, so that by striving for it and failing, we might realize we need God’s righteousness by faith in the blood of Christ.

The problem – then and now – is that many people think they are good enough and don’t need forgiveness. I bet Jesus in the Matthew 5 sermon was speaking to some people who believed they basically kept the Law, believed they were good enough. So Jesus raised the moral standard so high that no one could possibly say they are good enough. Gotcha! Now you need Jesus.

Back to the question of divorce. God’s perfect standard is that marriage is intended to last a lifetime and we should not divorce. The problem is we live in a fallen world and sometimes people's destructive behavior shreds the fabric of a marriage or is outright dangerous. In mercy there are exceptions for divorce. I don't know what they all are, except in my own case where I brought it to the Lord and He spoke freedom and deliverance.

By the way, if you don’t think there are exceptions, why is Rahab the harlot in the faith hall of fame in Hebrews 11 for helping the Israelite spies? After all, she hid the spies and lied to the civil authorities about it. The Ten Commandments forbid bearing false witness. Or why is Abraham in the faith hall of fame for being willing to slay his son Isaac? The same commandments forbid murder. Yet these people are recorded in the New Testament as examples of faith to emulate.

Sometimes higher laws are at stake.

Friends, we are called to walk by faith in the Spirit, in love and obedience to God. If you think that merely means keeping some set of rules, whatever you have come to believe they are, you are missing the greater meaning of what it really is to know and walk with God. Jesus said his sheep hear his voice and they follow him.

America Mystery Babylon?

I stumbled upon this exhaustive (ing?) scriptural analysis that identifies "Mystery Babylon" in Revelation 17-18 as America:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/7242015/America-the-Babylon-1

I only skimmed it, but I happen to agree with the conclusion. Some say Mystery Babylon is The Vatican or Mecca in Saudi Arabia. You could make cases for these alternatives, but my peg is on America. We are a fallen nation that has come under God's judgment. The two chapters in Revelation portray what will happen - in the near future, I believe.

If this sounds shocking or you're not certain, ask the Lord for insight and trust he will speak. 

Just want to mention a few things. In the Bible as in history, the Lord repeats patterns and themes. While past events have meaning in themselves, they may also prefigure events to come. Ultimate fulfillments in the future. For instance, God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac on an altar as a test of obedience and at the last moment provided a ram caught in a bush as a substitute. Later God commanded the Israelite nation to make regular sacrifices of goats and other animals to please God and atone for their sins. Finally, in Christ crucified, God provided his own son as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins - as a substitute sacrifice for us. So you see the pattern of sacrifice culminating in Christ's sacrifice, who in Revelation is called the "Lamb who was slain."

The original Babylon became the dominant world power under King Nebuchadnezzar after defeating Ancient Egypt in battle. Seventy years later in the fall of 539 BC, Babylon was utterly destroyed by Persia. According to Jeremiah 50-51, this was God's judgment against Babylon for its exceptional wickedness.

America became the dominant world power after defeating Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan in the fall of 1945. Seventy years later will be fall of 2015, which is months away.

Another pattern is the number 7. "On the seventh day He rested from all his work." In September 2001, America was hit by terrorism followed by multiple wars. Many believe this was a judgment against America and a plea to turn from wickedness and back to God. Seven years later, in the fall of 2008, America suffered a huge stock market and economic collapse. But the country is only becoming more bankrupt morally and spiritually. Downright satanic, actually. Seven years after that will be the fall of 2015.

You see where I'm going here.

And who is the beast on whom the prostitute of Babylon rides in Revelation 17? The beast who "will make war against the Lamb" and "hates the prostitute" and "will bring her to ruin?" I suspect that man is already doing those things right now, today.

And who is the second beast mentioned in Revelation 13 who "exercised all the authority of the first beast on his behalf and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast." Later in Revelation the second beast is also called "the false prophet." My eyes are on Pope Francis. President Obama has already met with him twice, once publicly and once privately. The Pope is publicly discussing global warming and Marxism/socialism and aligning Catholic teaching with the beast system. Vatican officials are already talking about welcoming extraterrestrials or aliens as our "brothers." The Pope is already making coy references to baptizing aliens into the Catholic Church: 
 
http://www.smh.com.au/world/pope-says-baptism-for-all--even-martians-20140513-zraqo.html#ixzz31X6KkNKa

Watch for the encyclical the pope is about to unveil at the UN, and what follows. We're heading into an unholy alliance of one-world government and one-world religion. 

"Come out of her, my people... so that you will not receive any of her plagues." - Revelation 18:4
"Flee out of Babylon; leave the land of the Babylonians... for I will stir up and bring against Babylon an alliance of great nations from the land of the north." Jeremiah 50:8-9
"Flee from Babylon! Run for your lives! Do not be destroyed because of her sins." Jeremiah 51:6

One more thing: There is going to be an exodus of God's remnant out of America prior to its final destruction. Just like the Israelite exodus out of Egypt. Let's all be praying about this.

Real Story of Human History and America

If you want to hear the real, behind-the-scenes story of human history and America in an hour and a half, listen to this lecture by Dr. Stanley Monteith from 2007. It is excellent:
http://beforeitsnews.com/economy/2014/05/must-watch-the-forbidden-secret-dr-stanley-monteith-2618546.html

My Story, Part One: Lost to Found to Lost Again

A Search for Meaning

One night when I was a teenager, I fell asleep on my bed at home. My dreams took me to a place that was like my backyard. It was nighttime and dark, and I was alone. There I felt the presence of some unknown evil. I heard words being chanted, the same phrase over and over. The exact words escape me now, but I remembered them at the time. They spoke of the nature of the darkness and its malicious intent. This darkness was pursing me.

I woke up feeling a dreadful, spine-tingling fear, as if the darkness were still present in my room. Instinctively, I reached for a Bible on the bookshelf, which was a gift from my mother, and held it close to my chest like a talisman. I believed in God, though religion was not a large focus of my life. Yet somehow I knew that God could protect me. When I awoke again the next morning, I was still clutching the Bible. I do not normally wake up during the night or remember my dreams, but this one remains in my memory even today, a quarter century later.

A few years after that, during my senior year of high school, I was lying on my bed at night again, only this time not sleeping. Thoughts raced and swirled through my head. They were nothing in particular and everything in general: A math exam. Where I might attend college. A girl I was interested in. The district cross country meet. The girl I used to date but broke up with. The school dance on Friday. My grades. Going out with friends on Saturday…

Then a deeper thought crept into my consciousness: What is the purpose of all this activity and frenzy? What is the meaning of it? This philosophical question haunted me. During the busyness of the day I could ignore it, but at night on my bed as my thoughts raced, it surfaced like a behemoth from the deep and demanded an answer. What is the meaning of your life? I did not know.

In English class we read the poem Ozymandias by the romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

An ambitious classmate jokingly repeated the phrase, “Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” as if to taunt others about his achievements. But those were not the words that stood out to me. It was the end of the poem, the decay and boundless sand, that resonated. Here again was the question, what is the point of it all, if this also is my end?

That winter a friend invited me to attend a Christian youth retreat in the mountains of Idaho. My family was planning a vacation trip to Disney Land at the same time, but I decided to forego the vacation and attend the retreat – so heavily were these spiritual questions weighing on my mind! There I heard about the concept of a God-shaped void in every person’s heart. People try to fill this emptiness with many things – human relationships, achievements, entertainment, chemicals, thrills, denial – but ultimately God only fits because we are created to be in communion with him. We are made to experience, serve and know God above all. That resonated with my heart, and deep down, I believed it to be true.

After that came more questions. Which church or religion has the right God? There are many religions in the world, and even within Christianity, there are numerous denominations and points of view. How can Jesus be both God and man? That Christian doctrine seemed fantastic and hard to accept. I attended a Bible study affiliated with the church that sponsored the retreat. I talked to people about these questions and read spiritual books.

Eventually I concluded that the answer to my search for meaning was not in a religion, but in a person, Jesus Christ. He claimed to be the way and the truth and the life, God in the body of a man and the one who could fill the void I so keenly felt. And I believed. The meaning I craved welled up inside as my heart centered upon God’s Son. A sense of forgiveness and joy also followed. I do not recollect a specific day or moment when this happened, but after a long journey I finally arrived at heaven’s gate.
A Time of Growth and Excitement

Next came a time of exploration, growth and excitement in my new-found faith. After graduating from high school, I went to a state university to study engineering and lived in a dormitory with roommates from my hometown. One afternoon I heard a knock on the door. It was a man with a campus Christian ministry who was surveying students for their spiritual interests. Through this introduction, I joined the group and also attended a local evangelical church.

The campus Christian ministry emphasized Bible study, Scripture memory, prayer, fellowship and evangelism. They adhered to a literal interpretation of the Bible, which I adopted, and stressed the importance of obedience to God’s word.

After participating for a while in a Bible study, the leader said the next meeting would be an evangelism outing where we would go door-to-door in the dormitory. I felt nervous and fearful about it. When the day arrived, I decided to go with my roommate to study at a coffee shop instead. On the way I happened to walk by the ministry leader, and he asked where I was headed. I told him and he looked a little disappointed, but said, “Alright.” The guilt set in as I sat at the coffee shop. I decided the right thing was to go on the evangelism outing after all, so I left the coffee shop. Mostly I stood by as he did the talking, but it was my first experience in stepping out in a bold way to share my faith.

A spiritual practice I learned that remains with me even now is a “quiet time,” which is spending some time alone with God in meditation, reading and prayer. More than anything else, quiet times help me to settle down, tune out life’s distractions and reconnect with what is important. I remember reading through the Old Testament book of Isaiah in a series of quiet times, sitting in an easy chair with a yellow coffee mug in hand.

I dated a girl during my first summer break, and after returning to school in the fall, the ministry leader and his wife discouraged me from continuing this relationship. They felt dating would be a distraction to my spiritual growth and certainly discouraged any sort of physical intimacy. He also recommended I wait for at least a couple years after college before concerning myself with marriage. I conceded and broke off the dating relationship.

During my second summer break I traveled to Ivory Coast, West Africa, for a six-week service project with another fellow from the U.S. We participated in a variety of Christian ministries. It was arranged on the other end by a missionary affiliated with the same campus Christian ministry. Afterward I wrote a summary of the trip afterward entitled “My Summer Vacation.” Here is an excerpt:

We left to go to a Bakwé village (a tribe of about 7,000 to 10,000 people spread out in south-western Ivory Coast) with a Wycliffe missionary named Csaba. He and his wife were in the process of learning the Bakwé language in order to translate the Scriptures into that dialect. They had recently come back from furlough and were preparing to go back to the village called Touadji Deux. We spent a week there helping him make repairs on his “bush house” while his wife and children waited at the headquarters in Abidjan.

The morning after we arrived, we walked around the village of about 200-250 people in order to greet the villagers. Csaba had taught us the Bakwé salutations, which we were expected to use. The villagers gave my partner Dave the name Yaowa and me the name Digbi, which means “strong.” (Who are they kidding?) A group of about ten children followed us as we walked from house to house. Often, one or two of them would hold our hands as we walked along. They were cute.

Dave built a table and some shelves. I helped Csaba with some electrical wiring (he had two solar panels on his roof) and with building a screen door. I had a cold that week, which brought my energy level down. We had a fun time, though, and were able to accomplish quite a bit.

I learned so much from Csaba’s house boy Janvier. He is a Christian from Burkina Faso, the country to the north of Ivory Coast, whose love for God was contagious and whose effervescent joy brought tears to my eyes. He was so excited to see Csaba when we arrived that he was jumping up and down and saying, “Le Seigneur est bon!” (“The Lord is good!”) He ran and gave Csaba a hug.

That man’s faith was so simple and childlike that it made me feel ashamed. Csaba was told by two European missionaries who lived in his house while he and his family were gone that they were having a problem with mice. They set a trap, but did not catch any mice. Janvier said that he would pray about where to put the traps. Who would think to pray about where to put a mouse trap? To us, that might seem almost silly, but it was not to Janvier. Janvier reported back and said that God had shown him in a dream to put the mouse trap in a certain spot on top of a wall in the house, as the house had no ceiling. In three days they caught twenty mice! Janvier reminded me that God cares so much about even the small things (see Luke 12:28). Also, his enthusiasm and love for all people and his desire for them to know the Lord warmed my heart.

Honeymoon Fades

As my heart for God and people grew, I steadily lost my passion for studying engineering. It seemed abstract, esoteric and uninspiring. So I thought about changing to a more relational major like counseling or teaching. In fact, three times I nearly made the switch, but after discussing it with numerous people including a college dean as well as another leader in the campus Christian ministry, I decided to stick with engineering and finish my degree.

Early on in Bible study I learned about a Christian doctrine called eternal security. It claims that once a person believes in Christ and becomes a child of God, he cannot lose his salvation. It gave me great comfort knowing that I belonged to God and nothing could snatch me out of his hand. One day ministry leader told me he doubted eternal security and said it might be possible for a person to lose his salvation. This surprised me because earlier he had advocated for eternal security, so I asked him what he would tell a new Christian about this issue. He said he would reassure them with eternal security and wait until later to bring up this thornier issue. The duplicity angered me, but the idea itself made me fearful and anxious. Was he right? Was my salvation necessarily secure?

I felt a great burden, a compulsion, to always obey God. I constantly studied the Bible to understand God’s precepts and learn how I should live. I was reluctant even to jaywalk, copy music or drive faster than the speed limit because the Bible said we should follow governmental laws. I felt compelled to share my faith with people. My knowledge of the Bible was strong, but it led to a kind of “analysis paralysis.” I could argue from Scripture both ways on eternal security. Life became tedious and exacting, and my faith was a source of continuous anxiety. It occurred to me that I was happier and freer and a more enjoyable person in my pre-Christian days. How could that be? Christianity was supposed to be a religion of peace, goodness and joy.

While still in college, I fell in love with a Christian woman and considered asking her to marry me. More to the point, I really thought God was leading me in that direction. When I brought this up with the ministry leader, he did not like it and strongly discouraged pursuing it. Who was he to say that? I felt very upset. This issue precipitated a break with the campus Christian ministry. I later asked the woman to marry me and sent the leader a postcard informing him after the fact.

Faith on the Back Burner

The spiritual conflict and discouragement continued, though I was still involved at church. I became ill with mononucleosis, which evolved into chronic fatigue syndrome. I was tired and slept all the time, except when I pulled myself out of bed to go to work. The only spiritual activity that comforted me was prayer.

One morning, as I walked across the lawn, the psychological and emotional turmoil reached such a degree that I was afraid I might snap or somehow come apart. I made a decision, then and there, to let go and put my faith on the back burner. I had to.

I turned my attention to things I enjoyed. I went back to school for a master’s degree in business administration. I studied, worked and traveled in Europe. Life was happier and freer and I felt more alive. God blessed me with some good times during those years. While I distanced myself from matters of religion, God did not distance himself from me. He would later renew my faith. Because it is true: The Father gives eternal life, and no one can snatch us out of his hand (John 10:28).

For part two, see Lost to Found Again!