My Story, Part One: Lost to Found to Lost Again

A Search for Meaning

One night when I was a teenager, I fell asleep on my bed at home. My dreams took me to a place that was like my backyard. It was nighttime and dark, and I was alone. There I felt the presence of some unknown evil. I heard words being chanted, the same phrase over and over. The exact words escape me now, but I remembered them at the time. They spoke of the nature of the darkness and its malicious intent. This darkness was pursing me.

I woke up feeling a dreadful, spine-tingling fear, as if the darkness were still present in my room. Instinctively, I reached for a Bible on the bookshelf, which was a gift from my mother, and held it close to my chest like a talisman. I believed in God, though religion was not a large focus of my life. Yet somehow I knew that God could protect me. When I awoke again the next morning, I was still clutching the Bible. I do not normally wake up during the night or remember my dreams, but this one remains in my memory even today, a quarter century later.

A few years after that, during my senior year of high school, I was lying on my bed at night again, only this time not sleeping. Thoughts raced and swirled through my head. They were nothing in particular and everything in general: A math exam. Where I might attend college. A girl I was interested in. The district cross country meet. The girl I used to date but broke up with. The school dance on Friday. My grades. Going out with friends on Saturday…

Then a deeper thought crept into my consciousness: What is the purpose of all this activity and frenzy? What is the meaning of it? This philosophical question haunted me. During the busyness of the day I could ignore it, but at night on my bed as my thoughts raced, it surfaced like a behemoth from the deep and demanded an answer. What is the meaning of your life? I did not know.

In English class we read the poem Ozymandias by the romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

An ambitious classmate jokingly repeated the phrase, “Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” as if to taunt others about his achievements. But those were not the words that stood out to me. It was the end of the poem, the decay and boundless sand, that resonated. Here again was the question, what is the point of it all, if this also is my end?

That winter a friend invited me to attend a Christian youth retreat in the mountains of Idaho. My family was planning a vacation trip to Disney Land at the same time, but I decided to forego the vacation and attend the retreat – so heavily were these spiritual questions weighing on my mind! There I heard about the concept of a God-shaped void in every person’s heart. People try to fill this emptiness with many things – human relationships, achievements, entertainment, chemicals, thrills, denial – but ultimately God only fits because we are created to be in communion with him. We are made to experience, serve and know God above all. That resonated with my heart, and deep down, I believed it to be true.

After that came more questions. Which church or religion has the right God? There are many religions in the world, and even within Christianity, there are numerous denominations and points of view. How can Jesus be both God and man? That Christian doctrine seemed fantastic and hard to accept. I attended a Bible study affiliated with the church that sponsored the retreat. I talked to people about these questions and read spiritual books.

Eventually I concluded that the answer to my search for meaning was not in a religion, but in a person, Jesus Christ. He claimed to be the way and the truth and the life, God in the body of a man and the one who could fill the void I so keenly felt. And I believed. The meaning I craved welled up inside as my heart centered upon God’s Son. A sense of forgiveness and joy also followed. I do not recollect a specific day or moment when this happened, but after a long journey I finally arrived at heaven’s gate.
A Time of Growth and Excitement

Next came a time of exploration, growth and excitement in my new-found faith. After graduating from high school, I went to a state university to study engineering and lived in a dormitory with roommates from my hometown. One afternoon I heard a knock on the door. It was a man with a campus Christian ministry who was surveying students for their spiritual interests. Through this introduction, I joined the group and also attended a local evangelical church.

The campus Christian ministry emphasized Bible study, Scripture memory, prayer, fellowship and evangelism. They adhered to a literal interpretation of the Bible, which I adopted, and stressed the importance of obedience to God’s word.

After participating for a while in a Bible study, the leader said the next meeting would be an evangelism outing where we would go door-to-door in the dormitory. I felt nervous and fearful about it. When the day arrived, I decided to go with my roommate to study at a coffee shop instead. On the way I happened to walk by the ministry leader, and he asked where I was headed. I told him and he looked a little disappointed, but said, “Alright.” The guilt set in as I sat at the coffee shop. I decided the right thing was to go on the evangelism outing after all, so I left the coffee shop. Mostly I stood by as he did the talking, but it was my first experience in stepping out in a bold way to share my faith.

A spiritual practice I learned that remains with me even now is a “quiet time,” which is spending some time alone with God in meditation, reading and prayer. More than anything else, quiet times help me to settle down, tune out life’s distractions and reconnect with what is important. I remember reading through the Old Testament book of Isaiah in a series of quiet times, sitting in an easy chair with a yellow coffee mug in hand.

I dated a girl during my first summer break, and after returning to school in the fall, the ministry leader and his wife discouraged me from continuing this relationship. They felt dating would be a distraction to my spiritual growth and certainly discouraged any sort of physical intimacy. He also recommended I wait for at least a couple years after college before concerning myself with marriage. I conceded and broke off the dating relationship.

During my second summer break I traveled to Ivory Coast, West Africa, for a six-week service project with another fellow from the U.S. We participated in a variety of Christian ministries. It was arranged on the other end by a missionary affiliated with the same campus Christian ministry. Afterward I wrote a summary of the trip afterward entitled “My Summer Vacation.” Here is an excerpt:

We left to go to a Bakwé village (a tribe of about 7,000 to 10,000 people spread out in south-western Ivory Coast) with a Wycliffe missionary named Csaba. He and his wife were in the process of learning the Bakwé language in order to translate the Scriptures into that dialect. They had recently come back from furlough and were preparing to go back to the village called Touadji Deux. We spent a week there helping him make repairs on his “bush house” while his wife and children waited at the headquarters in Abidjan.

The morning after we arrived, we walked around the village of about 200-250 people in order to greet the villagers. Csaba had taught us the Bakwé salutations, which we were expected to use. The villagers gave my partner Dave the name Yaowa and me the name Digbi, which means “strong.” (Who are they kidding?) A group of about ten children followed us as we walked from house to house. Often, one or two of them would hold our hands as we walked along. They were cute.

Dave built a table and some shelves. I helped Csaba with some electrical wiring (he had two solar panels on his roof) and with building a screen door. I had a cold that week, which brought my energy level down. We had a fun time, though, and were able to accomplish quite a bit.

I learned so much from Csaba’s house boy Janvier. He is a Christian from Burkina Faso, the country to the north of Ivory Coast, whose love for God was contagious and whose effervescent joy brought tears to my eyes. He was so excited to see Csaba when we arrived that he was jumping up and down and saying, “Le Seigneur est bon!” (“The Lord is good!”) He ran and gave Csaba a hug.

That man’s faith was so simple and childlike that it made me feel ashamed. Csaba was told by two European missionaries who lived in his house while he and his family were gone that they were having a problem with mice. They set a trap, but did not catch any mice. Janvier said that he would pray about where to put the traps. Who would think to pray about where to put a mouse trap? To us, that might seem almost silly, but it was not to Janvier. Janvier reported back and said that God had shown him in a dream to put the mouse trap in a certain spot on top of a wall in the house, as the house had no ceiling. In three days they caught twenty mice! Janvier reminded me that God cares so much about even the small things (see Luke 12:28). Also, his enthusiasm and love for all people and his desire for them to know the Lord warmed my heart.

Honeymoon Fades

As my heart for God and people grew, I steadily lost my passion for studying engineering. It seemed abstract, esoteric and uninspiring. So I thought about changing to a more relational major like counseling or teaching. In fact, three times I nearly made the switch, but after discussing it with numerous people including a college dean as well as another leader in the campus Christian ministry, I decided to stick with engineering and finish my degree.

Early on in Bible study I learned about a Christian doctrine called eternal security. It claims that once a person believes in Christ and becomes a child of God, he cannot lose his salvation. It gave me great comfort knowing that I belonged to God and nothing could snatch me out of his hand. One day ministry leader told me he doubted eternal security and said it might be possible for a person to lose his salvation. This surprised me because earlier he had advocated for eternal security, so I asked him what he would tell a new Christian about this issue. He said he would reassure them with eternal security and wait until later to bring up this thornier issue. The duplicity angered me, but the idea itself made me fearful and anxious. Was he right? Was my salvation necessarily secure?

I felt a great burden, a compulsion, to always obey God. I constantly studied the Bible to understand God’s precepts and learn how I should live. I was reluctant even to jaywalk, copy music or drive faster than the speed limit because the Bible said we should follow governmental laws. I felt compelled to share my faith with people. My knowledge of the Bible was strong, but it led to a kind of “analysis paralysis.” I could argue from Scripture both ways on eternal security. Life became tedious and exacting, and my faith was a source of continuous anxiety. It occurred to me that I was happier and freer and a more enjoyable person in my pre-Christian days. How could that be? Christianity was supposed to be a religion of peace, goodness and joy.

While still in college, I fell in love with a Christian woman and considered asking her to marry me. More to the point, I really thought God was leading me in that direction. When I brought this up with the ministry leader, he did not like it and strongly discouraged pursuing it. Who was he to say that? I felt very upset. This issue precipitated a break with the campus Christian ministry. I later asked the woman to marry me and sent the leader a postcard informing him after the fact.

Faith on the Back Burner

The spiritual conflict and discouragement continued, though I was still involved at church. I became ill with mononucleosis, which evolved into chronic fatigue syndrome. I was tired and slept all the time, except when I pulled myself out of bed to go to work. The only spiritual activity that comforted me was prayer.

One morning, as I walked across the lawn, the psychological and emotional turmoil reached such a degree that I was afraid I might snap or somehow come apart. I made a decision, then and there, to let go and put my faith on the back burner. I had to.

I turned my attention to things I enjoyed. I went back to school for a master’s degree in business administration. I studied, worked and traveled in Europe. Life was happier and freer and I felt more alive. God blessed me with some good times during those years. While I distanced myself from matters of religion, God did not distance himself from me. He would later renew my faith. Because it is true: The Father gives eternal life, and no one can snatch us out of his hand (John 10:28).

For part two, see Lost to Found Again!

Live by the Spirit, Listen to Your Heart

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."
Ezekiel 36:26-27

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."
Romans 8:16

The center and power of the Chrisitian experience is the Presence of God in our hearts, known as the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:11). Christians have different ideas about the Spirit of God. Some think of the him in an abstract way as the third person of the Trinity. We believe God exists as three persons functioning in unity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Some might imagine a gentle dove fluttering down from the heaven and landing on Jesus as mentioned in the Gospels. Others associate the Spirit with an intense emotional experience or perhaps bizarre behavior like rolling around on the floor or blurting out words no one understands. For the moment, try to set aside your preconceived notions and start with idea that the Holy Spirit is simply the Presence of God within us, dwelling in our hearts, the deepest part of our beings.

Now imagine a light emanating from within that illuminates your whole being and shines into the world. This light is God's Spirit, and he is there in every Christian. Moreover, he has a voice and speaks to us. If we are to have the fullness of life that Jesus promised, we must learn to trust and respond to his voice. Another way of saying this is that we must listen to our true hearts, as this is where the Spirit dwells.

However, many Christians today are like guests sitting at a table expecting a meal. On each plate are a few peanuts. They quickly gobble them up but the hunger remains. So the people tell each other the peanuts ought to be enough to satisfy, though the longing on their faces betray their true hunger pangs. Some people sit there and tough it out, repeatedly telling themselves this should be enough. Some give up and leave the table. But no one is truly content with the paltry meal.

In the middle of the table is an enormous bowl of colorful, ripe fruit. The bowl is piled high with every fruit imaginable - pears, apples, grapes, mangoes, pomegranites, pineapples, plums, bananas, watermelons, oranges. The fruit appears absolutely delicious. "Oh, this is just decoration," the people say. "We don't actually eat it. Isn't it pretty though?"

My friends, the bowl of fruit is the meal! It is not just pretty; it is sustenance and life. The Christian meal is to trust in God's Spirit and live by faith from the heart. This truth is plainly taught in the Bible, right in front of everyone, though many are fearful to accept it. The idea of trusting an intangible Spirit who is so powerful and moves like the wind (John 3:8) is scary. They would rather settle on a tame religion with a concrete set of rules, habits and expectations. They prefer stability and status quo over the wildness and infinite love of the Almighty. So they choose not to partake of the fruit, but wonder why their stomachs are still hungry, why the Christian life seems to lack the power and abundance that Jesus promised.

If you want to partake of the fruit, you have to trust that:

(1) The Spirit of God lives in your heart,
(2) The Spirit speaks to you and gives you power and
(3) You are able to discern his voice.

First, the Spirit of God lives in the heart of all Christians. When a person believes in Jesus, the Spirit enters in. This is what it means to be "born again," as Jesus talked about in John 3. The Spirit's presence is the defining mark of a Christian, as the Apostle Paul stated in Ephesians 1:13-14 and Romans 8:9. He renews our heart (though entanglements of darkness still remain) and provides direct, intimate access to the Presence of God. We do not need a priest or mediator. He is there!

How do we know the Spirit is there? Some say they know because their lives changed for the better - they became more loving, gracious and generous people. This is certainly positive evidence! However, on the most fundamental level, the Apostle Paul says that God's Spirit testifies to our spirit that we are his children (Romans 8:15-16). In other words, the Spirit speaks to our heart and reassures us that we belong to him.

This begs the question, how do we hear his voice? This might sound like circular reasoning, but you first have to believe you can hear his voice. As Jesus said (John 10:27-28):

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."

Jesus is the Good Shepherd is his sheep know his voice. We inherently know when he is speaking. On a practical level, God is a God of peace, mercy, joy, power and righteousness. If the voice we hear is peaceful, forgiving, encouraging, joyful, empowering and/or corrects us in living a better life, we can trust it is the Spirit's voice. (Yes, as his sometimes wayward children, we will receive plenty of correction to help us mature.) If the voice you hear is guilt-ridden, fearful, hateful or doubtful, it is not his voice. This is the voice of darkness and we should learn to ignore it.

The form of God's voice can be anything he chooses. In my experience it is usually an impression on the heart - a quiet, intuitive sense he is moving me in a certain way. This sense can be general or involve specific words. God can also speak more dramatically through dreams, visions and object lessons. He spoke to Moses through a burning bush, to Gideon through dew on a wool fleece and to King Belshazzar through a hand writing on the wall. He is Lord Almighty and may speak however he chooses.

Only trust that the Spirit is present and you can hear his voice, even if you do not understand how it all works. The essence of faith is a heart that says, "I trust you, Lord, even though I don't understand." No doubt you will grow in learning to hear his voice, however imperfect and humble the beginningss. The Spirit will lead us into all truth and empower us to love one another.

So let us live by faith from the heart. Let us listen and respond to God's Presence within.

Too Much Faith in Reason

Our modern era with its greater emphasis on human reason and self-determination has influenced Christianity in both positive and negative ways. On the positive side, it has encouraged people to take matters of faith into their own hands (and hearts), instead of relying solely on religious and civil authorities to dispense an unquestionable version of truth. This is good because all institutions are comprised of human beings and all human beings are fallible. History, the Bible and personal experience all concur that people and institutions, even religious ones, have erred and will err. This does not mean that they are not good, do not contain truth or that we should not be a part of them. Not at all! But essential matters of faith – who God is, how we know and serve him, how to live a good life and how to go to heaven – are too important to entrust completely and unthinkingly to others. Faith is ultimately a matter of the heart, and God will hold people to account as individuals. Therefore it is good that we assume responsibility for faith as individuals.

The downside of our modern era is that it has encouraged Christians to place inordinate faith in human reason. We have slipstreamed into the prevailing currents of our time and come to believe that the diligent application of reason and logic will bring us straightaway to the throne of the Almighty. We venerate theologians and scholars, as if they best understand God. What about the person who is humble and full of faith? We hire pastors with Masters of Divinity and read religious books from people with PhDs, thinking that higher education surely means they have more to teach us about God. What about the person who has learned to love others and be intimate with God? We spend significant time deciphering intricate theologies, such as how events are to play out in the end times, as if "being right" about obscure and complicated subjects adds considerably to our godliness. We look to hermeneutics (i.e. rules of interpretation) and study the Bible's original languages of Greek and Hebrew to lay open the mysteries of truth in Scripture. Please do not misunderstand – there is value in education and better understanding. But it is a mistake to emphasize human reason more than faith and love from the heart.

We forget or minimize that it is the job of the Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth (John 16:13). First and foremost, we should learn to hear and trust His voice. Since it is the pure in heart who see God (not the well educated or exceptionally smart), we should tune the attitudes of our heart to the good and right in order to gain spiritual insight (Matthew 5:8). Jesus advocated faith like a child. The Apostle Paul said that without love, nothing else matters, even all the knowledge in the world (I Corinthians 13:2).

If one uncovers enough layers and digs deep enough, the root of the problem is human pride. “And you will be like God, knowing good and evil,” the serpent hissed to Eve in the garden of Eden (Genesis 3:5). You will understand. You will be in control. You will not be dependent on God. You will be your own man. That is the deception that led to the original sin. We still fall for it by thinking that if we can just understand everything through reason – if we can noodle it out – then we can control the events of life and contain our religion. We can stand at the helm and shape our own destinies. There is a grain of truth here, because the application of wisdom and understanding do tend toward better outcomes. This is the basis of the scientific method, and it is a primary theme in the Book of Proverbs. However, we must not forget there are far greater forces at work in the universe to which are subject. One greater than us directing the course of history. While we play a role and our actions make a difference, we do not ultimately shape destinies. We are not in control to such a degree. Only God is. The Old Testament philosopher put it so well: “The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” (Ecclesiastes 9:11)

The unfortunate result of elevating human reason above faith is a religion that lacks vibrancy, passion and power. It becomes like a plain bowl of oatmeal or an endless, tedious crossword puzzle. By attempting to decipher and contain Christianity, we turn it into a simplistic set of doctrines and rules. In effect, we put God in a tidy, little box, as if the Infinite Almighty would fit in one! People attend church and participate in religious programs, but the abundant life Jesus promised is missing. Little happens. The Spirit is quenched. People wonder why they do not feel close to God, so they read more how-to books – to better figure it out! But the reason why Jesus did not perform many miracles in his hometown was not because they did not have everything figured out. It was because they lacked faith (Matthew 13:58)!

The better choice is to revel in the mystery and immensity of God. When God called Abraham thousands of years ago, he told him to leave his country, his people, and “go to the land I will show you." (Genesis 12:1) He promised to bless Abraham, bless others through him, and make him into a great nation. So Abraham started on this journey, even though he did not know where he was going or how everything would play out. He only knew generally that God would show him and do wonderful things through the process. There was no daily agenda or detailed itinerary, nor did God promise Abraham the journey would be easy and trouble-free. Abraham had his share of difficulties, some by circumstance and some by his own doing. However, Abraham trusted that God was with him and believed he would somehow make good on his promises. Abraham stepped out in faith, even though he did not fully understand. The most pure faith does not demand understanding; it is grounded in trust.

The Modern Era

Centuries ago, the Age of Reason and Enlightenment emphasized a powerful way for humanity to engage the world. It asserted that men and women are individuals with the power to reason, judge, act and influence. No longer were common folk hapless feathers floating on the wind, buffeted by ignorance, superstition, and blind acquiescence to worldly authorities. We became thinking and self-determining. We became modern.

On a broad scale, people began to apply the five senses and logic to solve problems in the realms of science, medicine, government, education, industry, economics, psychology and even religion. The result has been an evolution and improvement of society unlike anything ever seen before. Scientific and engineering inventions like mechanized manufacturing, railroads, steamboats, internal combustion engines, automobiles, electricity, telephones, airplanes and radio completely changed the way we work, travel and live. Standards of living improved exponentially, so the average Western person today arguably enjoys more creature comforts than royalty did in centuries past. In politics, people questioned the wisdom and validity of absolute monarchies. The American and French revolutions ensued, bringing democracy, human rights, equality and the rule of law. Today democracy has extended throughout the West and into Asia, South America, Africa and even parts of the Middle East. In religion, people questioned the exclusive franchise that the Catholic Church claimed to have on truth and salvation. Protestantism and other forms of spirituality flourished as religion became a matter of personal conviction and conscience.

Today, we take pills to heal our diseases, talk to people anywhere with cell phones, watch global events live on television, use the Internet to learn about or buy anything we want right now, and travel the world by car and airplane. No wonder God looked on mankind as they came together to build the majestic tower of Babel and remarked, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.” (Genesis 11:6)

Intellectualism

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

“We live by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:7

We live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). This simple phrase describe the essence of walking with God. It is by faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Faith is a heart that says, “I trust you, Lord, even if I don’t understand.” A person with faith steps forward at God’s behest, believing that he is good, just, and worthy. On the other hand, sight represents the physical faculties of human perception. They are what we use to get around and live each day. Sight includes seeing with the eye as well as hearing, taste, smell, and touch – the five senses. But that is not all. Sight also implies thought, or the intellectual ability to reason and analyze. Thus the verse: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Therefore, faith is a responsiveness to God that ultimately is based on a direct connection to him. We do not see him. Human reasoning concludes either that God is, is not, or might be, depending on who you ask. Nevertheless, God’s children hear his voice in their hearts and respond. This is faith. The problem is that mainstream Christianity leans far too much on human reason and intellectual analysis. In other words, it too often lives by sight.

What About Right and Wrong?

How then do you determine right and wrong or good and bad? How does one know what to do? The Bible is filled with brilliant moral teaching. It virtually explodes with wisdom and direction for life. This book leaves no stone unturned, no ill motive unexposed, no good deed unpraised, and no important issue unaddressed. If you want insight about relationships, money, career, church, love, sex, life, death, heaven, hell – it is there. Every book in the Old and New Testaments has great lessons to offer.

The issue is how to interpret this moral teaching. There are two distinct approaches, and one represents the way of law and the other of the Spirit:

1. Read the Bible to assemble a set of absolute rules by which to live and then try to follow them. The thinking goes that if a person follows the rules well enough, he or she will have an abundant, successful, and righteous life. This is why many Christian books have titles like “Ten Steps to a Deeper Walk” or “How to Share Your Faith”. We want a tidy program to follow. However, if a person does not follow the prescribed rules, the result is sin, failure, spiritual decay and unrighteousness. A corollary is that if life is not going well for some reason (e.g. marital, financial, work problems), the likely problem is not having the right set of rules or not following them rigorously enough. This creates a temptation to judge others, if things are going well, or to feel like a spiritual loser if they are not.
   
   It is difficult even for sincere truth seekers to sort out which rules are best or right. Each church has a slightly different rule set. In fact, many denominations and church splits have their origins in these differences. The Bible is a large and multi-faceted book. Good-hearted, intelligent people have studied it thoroughly and still disagree on interpretations. Culture and church traditions also influence the rules. While mainstream Christianity agrees that we no longer live under the law of Moses (e.g. we are not obligated to sacrifice animals, we can eat pork), many comb the New Testament to decipher a new set of moral laws. Churchgoers are encouraged to study the Bible and/or church doctrine to learn their particular rules. These are many and varied:
   
   Be kind to others. Be generous. Share your faith with unbelievers. Communion is for church members only. Communion is for everyone. Everyone should seek to speak in tongues. No one should speak in tongues. Tithe ten percent of your income. Give how you feel led. Do not go into debt. Debt is only okay for a durable asset, like a house. Divorce is always wrong. Divorce is wrong except in the case of adultery. Divorce is regrettable. Pastors can marry and have children. Priests cannot marry nor have children. Elders must be men, not women. Christians should vote Republican. Christians should vote Democrat. Saturday is the Sabbath day. Sunday is the Sabbath day. It is good to take a day off sometimes. And so on.
   
2. Read the Bible to understand God’s ways and moral principles, and then trust his Spirit to direct when and how to apply them. This way acknowledges that religion is first a matter of the heart. We live from the inside out, not by merely following an external framework or program. The heart of a man or woman is the core of their being, seat of the Holy Spirit and wellspring of life. It is where we discern truth and wisdom. The heart of a Christian, a person who has been “born again”, is good and can be trusted, even though the “flesh” or sinful nature still vies for influence. (See Romans 7:21-25 and Ezekiel 36:26-27. These verses refute the teaching that a reborn Christian’s heart is still evil, implying that we cannot trust our hearts and therefore need an external laws to follow. )
   Moreover, this way acknowledges that the moral teachings of the Bible are principles that shape our values, not absolute laws to be applied in all situations all of the time. There is a big difference in practical terms. Love is the only absolute, and there are more ways to love than grains of sand in the ocean. We trust the Holy Spirit to show us how to apply these teachings and principals in all the complexity of life. The Spirit actively speaks and, as Jesus said, is the one who illuminates truth and wisdom (see John 16:13). We can trust him to lead us in the moment.
   
   Life is not simple. Navigating it cannot be reduced to a set of magic formulas and cookie-cutter sound bites. The world is complex, multi-faceted and usually colored in shades of gray. Cartoon caricatures of good and evil are found only in the realm of fantasy and fairy tales. The real world contains striations of good and evil that blend and mix through people and events. Life is full of mystery, paradox and contradiction. Pain, suffering and loss share the stage with joy, triumph and gain. Clear-cut black and white is a welcome exception, but not the rule! Every situation is different; every person is unique; every life has a special purpose. We have to exercise judgment and discernment. We need God’s infinite and wise Spirit to see through it all. Living by a simplified set of laws short-circuits his participation and essential influence in our faith.

The second approach describes living by the Spirit. It is quite different from legalism. It is quite different from how mainstream Christianity tends to operate. It assumes a deep, personal, intimate, powerful connection with our Creator. And that we have because of Christ! Today is Easter, as I write. I am reminded that he rose from the dead and established this connection to God. He made it all possible. We must lean on this connection and trust the Spirit. Such an act of faith feels like stepping onto a tightrope strung taught between two skyscrapers. Don’t look down! Look at him. He is there and will keep us balanced and upright.

Faith Hall of Fame

Read the celebrated faith hall of fame in Hebrews (Hebrews 11:1-40). It gives the accounts of Old Testament figures who demonstrated great faith in God as examples for Christians to follow. Among them is Abraham, who is listed for his willingness to kill his son Isaac at God’s request. It is an incredible and almost unbelievable story that shatters normal religious conventions. God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, so he traveled to a mountaintop with Isaac to carry it out. At the last minute, with knife in hand and Isaac tied up, God stopped Abraham and provided a ram for the offering instead. It was a test of allegiance, whether Abraham valued his beloved son more than his loyalty to God. He passed. What an awful decision to have to make, and what amazing faith! (By the way, Abraham thought that God would raise Isaac from the dead because he had promised Isaac would be his heir.) Now, consider this story in the light of any moral framework you wish – Old Testaments laws, New Testament moral teachings, civil codes or one’s conscience. If sacrificing one’s own child does not violate every rule imaginable, I do not know what does. Yet God asked him to do it, and the Bible upholds Abraham as a model of faith for his willingness. Is that not confounding? It seems that the ultimate factor of faith is a person’s direct trust and responsiveness to God above and beyond anything else.

Read further in the same chapter about the example of Rahab, a prostitute who harbored Israelite spies. She lived in the city of Jericho as Israel was planning to conquer it as part its campaign to inhabit the Promised Land. Rahab heard about how God had parted the Red Sea for the Israelites and enabled them to conquer other local kings. She believed God was with them and decided to side with the Almighty. (Always a good call!) Therefore, she hid the spies in her house when they came to survey Jericho. The civil authorities came to question her, and she lied and said the Israelites had already left, sending them on a wild goose chase. However, the spies were still in her house, and then she helped them escape from the city in the middle of the night. In return, the spies agreed not to harm her household when Israel conquered the city. This is a story of great faith. Rahab risked everything because she believed God was with the Israelites. On another level, it is as confounding as the story of Abraham because Rahab was a prostitute who lied to the authorities and betrayed her own people. Yet it is listed as an example of faith for Christians to follow.

The Bible showcases people who apparently broke all the rules except one, acting upon an ultimate trust in God. If you think that the Christian faith is primarily about keeping a set of rules, whatever you have come to believe those are, then this message is troubling. It should be upsetting, shocking, even scandalous. These examples of faith are not reconcilable with a rules-based viewpoint. Some may try to explain them away with elaborate philosophy and reasoning, perhaps saying they took place in a different era and somehow do not apply to us today. But they are right there in the New Testament! As is Jesus’ statement that God desires mercy, not sacrifice. As is the Apostle Paul’s repeated claim that Christians live by the Spirit, not law. The Bible speaks plainly here. It is right there in full view.

The point is that faith is not merely following a set of religious rules. It is more than that and sometimes even in spite of that. Faith is a positive response to God from the heart – an act of trust, love, and service. This is living by the Spirit.

Mercy, Not Sacrifice

To begin, consider the Gospel account where Jesus and his disciples were walking through grain fields on the Sabbath, the Jewish holy day of rest (Matthew 12:1-8). The disciples picked heads of grain and ate them, and the religious Pharisees accused them of violating the Sabbath by doing work. Technically, the Pharisees were right. The law of Moses forbade doing any work on that day – on punishment of death! In fact, when Moses led the Israelites through the wilderness and God rained down bread (or manna) each day as food, the Lord instructed the people to gather two days worth on the day before the Sabbath, so they would not have to do any work by even gathering food (Exodus 16). But this is exactly what Jesus’ disciples were doing.

Jesus responded to the accusation by saying the disciples were innocent, but he did not claim that they were not breaking the rule. It seems like a contradiction. Jesus cited a couple of situations in the Old Testament where people technically broke laws and were still blameless, as if the letter of the law were not of primary concern. Then he made a powerful statement to the Pharisees that hints at the distinction between the Spirit and law. Jesus said that God desires mercy, not sacrifice. It is actually a quote from the Old Testament book of Hosea. Now, mercy is grace and forgiveness that a person extends to another. It is a willingness to overlook a wrong done. Mercy comes from the heart and promotes healing and reconciliation. On the other hand, animal sacrifice was a requirement under Old Testament law to atone for sins. At certain points in history, the hearts of Israelites became hard toward God. They continued to sacrifice animals by requirement of the law, but they neglected to treat others with compassion, respect, and mercy. God expressed displeasure with this hypocrisy. By stating that God desires mercy, not sacrifice, Jesus was saying that he wants people to love from the heart, not just follow rules. The point of religion is to love God and others. Keeping the letter of the law – any law – is not the main point. In this light, the accusation of the Pharisees was technically correct but morally wrong. It was legalistic and made a mountain out of a mole hill. It also came from a harsh and critical spirit because the Pharisees’ real motive was to find fault with the disciples because they did not like how Jesus challenged their religious authority.

So here is one distinction: Living by the Spirit means loving from the heart, not following religious rules.

We Live by the Spirit, Not by Law

“We have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.”
Romans 7:6

“But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.”
Galatians 5:18

The New Testament directs Christians to live by the Spirit, not by law. This distinction is vast and profound. In fact, it shakes the foundation of what it means to be a Christian. The Spirit and law are like day and night, white and black. The difference is far more than academic or cosmetic. Living by the Spirit is at the heart of what it is to walk with God – each day and each moment.

Law is a set of written codes by which to live. Think of the codes that govern the state or city where you live: traffic laws, building codes, property rights and so forth. They help ensure safety, fairness and order in society. If a person obeys the law, then he is free to go about the daily activities of life. If a person breaks the law (and is caught), then he must pay a fine, go to jail, perform community service or other such penalty. No exceptions and no excuses – the law is the law. It is something we live under and that exists external to us. For instance, one can go to a law library and read the state and city codes in full. Law does not speak on its own, but only when a person actively reads or hears it.

When Christians see the word “law” in the Bible, they usually think of the Ten Commandments and the various other religious and societal laws that the Lord gave to the Israelites through Moses. Honor your father and mother; keep the Sabbath; do not murder; do not steal; etc. This is the prototypical law of the Bible. However, I would suggest this is the primary but not only meaning of law. It also references any set of absolute rules-to-live-by, even those derived from moral teachings in the New Testament. The error mainstream Christianity makes is interpreting these teachings as absolute law rather than moral principals to be applied in wisdom (more on this later).

In contrast, the Spirit is a person. Much more than words on a piece of paper, the Spirit is God’s very presence, power, and life. He is the third person of the trinity, as in Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He moves like the wind through the affairs of humanity and in the lives of individuals. You see clear evidence of his activity – like trees swaying and ripples on the water – but there is mystery and wonder to his work. He does as he pleases and is by no means “predictable”. He is God Almighty.

The Spirit also lives in the heart of every child of God, every person who belongs to him. He is there – at the center of our being. This fact is not just a quaint sentiment or a bedtime story. God’s Spirit is the identifying mark of every true Christian (see Romans 8:9-10,16 and Ephesians 1:13). The Spirit speaks and we hear his voice. He reveals truth and wisdom, provides spiritual gifts, and empowers us to live out God’s love. He is at the center of the Christian experience.

The difference between the Spirit and law is immense, even mind-boggling (see The Spirit and Law in Contrast below for a summary). If one is a bowl of rice, the other is a five-course meal of the finest gourmet foods. If one is a firecracker, the other is a nuclear explosion. Equally immense is the difference between living by the Spirit versus the law. What does that mean, however? What does it look like in a person’s day-to-day experience? Frankly, the answer is as big as God himself. I can only hope to hint at it.

The Spirit and Law in Contrast

Spirit	Law
Person, God himself	Written moral rules
Lives in a person’s heart	Exists in a document
Mystical, moves like the wind	Concrete, rigid, set in stone
Infinite, expansive	Limited, narrow
Experienced	Read or heard
Engages whole being – heart, mind, strength, soul, spirit	Engages primarily the mind
Empowered by God	Enforced by men
Internally motivating	Externally restricting
Illuminates truth	Captures shadow of truth
Empowers love and righteousness	Dictates rules for living
Powerful	Weak
Active	Passive
Engenders freedom, creativity and power	Authoritarian and stifling
Inspires uniqueness and spontaneous action	Instills uniformity and centralized, man-made control
Motto: “Live by faith from the heart - God's commands are not burdensome.”	Motto: “Do what I say or else”

Cracks in the Foundation

There are cracks in the foundation. If Jesus is the bedrock beneath mainstream Christianity, then the foundation is the day-to-day religious life and experience that believers build upon him. (Mainstream here refers to Christians who have put their faith in Jesus Christ for salvation. It includes Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox faiths.) This foundation captures how people relate to God, to fellow Christians, and to the world. It encompasses their beliefs and what they do at church, in Bible studies, prayer groups, ministry programs, outreach events, and personal devotions. Much of this foundation is solid. For instance, what Christian could argue with embracing a sincere faith in God’s Son and endeavoring to live a moral life. But cracks are nevertheless common in this foundation. Water and mud seep in and damage the structure. These leaks hurt some believers, harden others, and diminish the experience of God and church.

The way to fix a leak is to find the source and plug it, like the Dutch boy who puts his finger in a hole in the dike to save the town. This seems like a straightforward gesture, but finding the source in this case is not trivial. The leak is not where many think it is. It is buried beneath layers of commonly accepted and culturally normal ways of thinking and behaving. Problems arise only after building on this foundation and realizing something is amiss. The building stands but is cockeyed, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

So, one must trace the problems to their source. After spending years in this process as part of my own personal journey, I believe the cracks in the mainstream Christian foundation are legalism and intellectualism. These ism’s, so to speak, represent a tedious fixation on moral rules and an overemphasis on human reason and intellectual analysis, at the expense of trust in God’s Spirit. The result is a faith out of balance, where legitimate articles are elevated above their appropriate place. They become idols that keep us from God rather than instruments for drawing near to him. We need to make repairs to the foundation. By recognizing how and why faith has become out of balance, we have the opportunity to correct it and become whole and stronger in hope, faith, and love.